It was a difficult time; for everyone. Covid-19 hit the world fiercely, Muhammed Ali style. Surely the world was not prepared for any of that. Lockdown was inevitable. These are the quarantine confessions of the lockdown and how self improvement, crossed reality and went on the sphere of fiction.
In Greece, the lockdown began in Monday, 18th of March 2020. We needed official permission to go to the grocery store (via SMS) and people had to stay home. Only 6 requests could justify official permission to go out. Workplaces shut their operations in their offices and started to work remotely, bars, cinemas, restaurants, schools and so on seized all activity. Airlines cut down flights from an to other countries. People started to worry about their job future, shops were eager to know when should they function properly again, face masks’ price sky-rocketed, hand sanitisers replaced holy water in every household and the 6 o’clock government’s daily TV report was the new “Wheel of Fortune”.
But you already know all these, don’t you? So you also know, that this period was full of lies by some of your friends, relatives or celebs that claimed to do spectacular stuff during the quarantine.
- What? Christie started crossfit in her 2m X 3m bedroom? Man, she must be ripped by the time beaches open up. #SummerBodChristie
- Huh? George learned Spanish without a teacher in 2 weeks? Jeez! An updated CV for him when all these end. #BarneyStinsonWatchOut
- Wow John! You read all three volumes of “War & Peace” by Tolstoy in the first 10 days of the quarantine? What a champ! #Bookworm
We are terribly sorry to be the bearer of bad news, yet we will be. LIES. A bunch of ugly, pretentious, slimy, egocentric lies. There. We said it. #SorryNotSorry
So Phantom had an idea. To illustrate some of the most common lies we meet on social media over the quarantine period. And post them to raise awareness around the topic of: “All of my self-loathing, couch potato friends, who ordered takeaway before the lockdown in order not to cook, now they are more energetic than the Duracell batteries bunny mascot.” And here are the results. Feel free to download them, repost them, make a story, tag friends and tag us to find your post if you like. Here goes nothing:
Working out everyday
How, in the name of Lord, could you bike 35km per day during the lockdown, when before that, you would puff and blow by walking from the living room to your fridge? Okay… some of you where cycling before. But most of you little buggers, had your bikes on the balcony rusting away since the 2004 Athens Olympics. You just watched 2 athletic documentaries on Netflix. Dreadful.
Late night video calls
There are no Zoom meetings 4 in the morning. Something else is itching you and it is not work related. You probably have a video call with your significant other, to blow up some hot steam. Tell the truth – that time of the day, there is no overtime for work. Please stop using that excuse (wink). The truth is that cyber s*x used to be king before apps. #TrueStory
Learning a new language
Oh? Johnny uploaded another insta story with a famous Spanish quote and “#stilllearning” hashtag? Okay, let’s get things straight. You did not started a new language in the middle of a pandemic. You just binged-watched Narcos and lifted five quotes from the series. Period.
You special environmentalist snowflake. Always promoting alternatives on plastic. Yet you never dispose your single use gloves and face mask properly. Use them, discard them in a separate bag, tie it and dispose it in the garbage. Or else… Greta will find you, oh yes she will (bless her). #GretaTheWolf
Gourmet sassy dinners
They hardly boiled an egg prior the quarantine. And now they are posting dishes with food styling, exquisite wine pairings and recipes from Ramsay? Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is a photo from a chef’s account and your nutrition is based solely on potato chips. Meh. #RamsayFTW
40+ days inside the house is no joke. But keep wearing the same pyjamas in 3 weeks is kind of pathetic. What happened to your washing machine? It quit its job? Get a grip! Do your chores. And if this is not your style, go “commando” and say no to PJs. #GoingCommando
Scaling up things
Suddenly, everyone started a diet. Where everyone piles up spaghetti, rice and potatoes, some want us to believe that their isolation treat is rice crisps. Phantom prefers eating a cardboard instead. Please stop this lie. There is no diet going on, we all ate like no tomorrow. Jabba the Hutt is our cousin. #JabbaKaeiILampa
That was the truth earthlings. Hope you had fun reading this and maybe try to be honest next time. Fingers crossed there will be no second lockdown, but who knows? That was Phantom’s point of view over the time he passed in the office isolated, without us by his side.
p.s. 1: dear millennials, don’t get offended by any of the above. At least, try.
p.s. 2: Stay strong, wash your hands, dispose your single use protection as intended (sic), follow the rules and stay healthy – in body and mind. And humour really helps the latter 😉